I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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