Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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