Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
