Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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