You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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