Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
