Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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