why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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