And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
