Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
