I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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