i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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