just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
