He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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