i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
