So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
