Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
they're like a gay fantastic four
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
