so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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