just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
