just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
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