I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
