Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Watching her eat just hurts me
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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