How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
