We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
