his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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