you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize