I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
