Porn is love you can see.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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