I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
