So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
