my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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