Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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