i think my tv is drunk
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
