my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
