grandma shit on top of the toilet
Duck Duck Cougar?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
