Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
