apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
