mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
