You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
