Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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