Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
