Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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