I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
its liver damage thursday
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
