So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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