I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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