its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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