I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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