Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
