Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
