2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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