when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
