last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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