After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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