So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
