girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I made him laugh his dick is mine
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
