nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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