I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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