Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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