She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
