Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
