shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
