A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
