I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
