I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
