It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just want to make out with him forever
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
