final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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