I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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