Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize