I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
