just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize