You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
