You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
