I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
This toilet bowl is my home.
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