we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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