I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
