tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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