So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
