I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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