question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
FUCK WHALES
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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