I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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