Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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