I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You've changed since you got that strap on
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
