There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
