was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
