it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
