Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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