You're a womanizer and a bitch.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
