What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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