Your dad touched me again.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
