He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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