Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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