doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
