i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
