Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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