We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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