your parents love me but you hate me
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Randomize
